By Courtney Oldwyn
Journal Reporter
This Father’s Day the Journal has chosen to profile a local father with strong ties to the island community.
It’s low tide at Eagle Cove and long-time islander John Stamey is in full on grandpa mode, dipping his one year old granddaughter Amelia’s toes in the waves, laughing as his other grandaughter, 3 year old Maxine runs by in her yellow bathing suit and playing a heated game of Beach Bocce Ball with his son in law Lance.
Stamey, who moved to San Juan Island in 1974 is father to three grown children, Jacob and Cady Seiler and Emily Bayuk-Johnson, who all grew up on San Juan Island. He’s now a grandfather to three girls, Amelia, Maxine and brand new baby Antonella. He is also a founding member of San Juan Island’s Stand Up Men, a group of local husbands, fathers, brothers and all-around “stand up” guys who work to bring awareness to domestic violence.
Currently in “retirement” (“I consider this retirement as I now have only one job,” he said,) as the owner of Wild Bird Bamboo, Stamey credits his wife Lenore Bayuk’s career as a counselor in Friday Harbor with opening his eyes to the very real problems of domestic violence occurring on San Juan Island.
“People say ‘Oh, that doesn’t happen here,’ but 60-70 percent of our local police calls are for domestic violence,” he said. “We don’t have a lot of murders or massive theft, but this is our local crime: violence against women.” These were the thoughts tumbling around in his head when he heard about a new group, involved with the Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services of San Juan Island (DVSAS) that was looking for men willing to take a stand and help educate and spread awareness to the island community.
“Standing out on the courthouse lawn, that’s what that was all about– bringing awareness to the problem,” he said of the group’s signature campaign. Stamey hopes they will someday be able to bring a prevention education program to local schools.
“If this ever going to be solved,” he said. “It has to be generation to generation to generation of eliminating the pattern.” Stamey has long been involved in the community as a mentor to children, including coaching Little League and girls’ softball, personally mentoring a young man, now 25 years old, whom he still has a relationship with, and driving a school for almost fifteen years.
“School bus driver; talk about parenting!” he said. He sums up his parenting philosophy with a quote from a t-shirt of his wife’s: “The thing that matters most to kids is that, they matter.” He and his two older children Jacob and Cady’s mother separated early and they took on co-parenting roles long before “co-parenting” was a well known term. “We did everything from swapping weekends when one of us was working to trading days off,” he said. “It was always about what’s right for the kids.”
When he met Lenore he welcomed her nine-year-old daughter Emily, whose father had passed away. “We honor him as her father,” said Stamey. “But I’ve been her dad too for a long time.”
He and Lenore believe that parents have to build a strong foundation of mutual respect when their children are young, teaching them to respect boundaries and loving them for who they are so that “by the time they’re teenagers and a huge pain in the ass you can call them on it!” he said.
These last few years grandparenting has been a fun, new experience. “We want to build that same foundation with our grandkids too,” he said. “But it’s not our job to raise them. We get to be there when they want us!”
When asked about Father’s Day plans, he hopes to keep it simple family time on an island.
“If I’m lucky I will be playing bocce down at Eagle Cove.”
