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Testing... Testing.... San Juan Island: 'The Quiz' | Guest Column
By Mike Buettell
So, you think you pretty much know all there is to know about San Juan Island? Click here to take the quiz.
1. Which of the following statements best describes islanders?
(a) People who work two jobs and don’t own a house.
(b) People who own two houses and don’t have a job.
2. Which of the following best describes the shape of San Juan Island?
(a) A giant fat seahorse eating Henry Island.
(b) Honey Boo Boo eating Henry Island.
(c) Justin Bieber’s hair style.
3. The best way to increase tourist spending on the island is to do which of the following?
(a) Build a Disneyland-style thrill ride down the middle of Spring Street, and call it “The Hayride.”
(b) Ask the whales to tell us when they might cruise past Lime Kiln.
(c) Get Hollywood to produce “The Real Housewives of Friday Harbor.”
(d) All of the above.
4. True or False: People who write letters to the editor of The Journal always check their facts, listen carefully to opposing sides, and only then, thoughtfully construct their letter?
5. True or False: While the country as a whole is polarized Red and Blue, we highly educated islanders are above petty politics. We understand that we’re all in this together, that a middle ground exists, and that since this is a small island, where everybody knows eyerybody, we all need to work cooperatively for the betterment of all?
6. True or False: Traffic safety could be increased by requiring all out-of-state SUV drivers, to take a driving test as soon as they leave the ferry landing. (Driving into a market once? Yeah, even islanders do that, but twice!)
7. True or False: No one on the island, especially the marina staff at Roche Harbor, knows who owns that big derelict boat that was found drifting toward Pearl Island and now has to be disposed of with tax payer money.
8. True or False: The Carter Avenue Ballfields project has dragged on long enough. People need to stop majoring in minors and get that thing built so kids and the whole community can play.
9. The greatest challenges facing the island are…?
(a) Subway will sneak in under our noses and build a sandwich shop.
(b) Homeland Security will rent two buildings downtown.
(c) Farmers will drive herds of sheep down Spring Street like they did a hundred years ago.
(d) The NSA will monitor our phone calls. (They’ll get what they deserve if they listen to my family.)
(e) We’ll all die of radiation poisoning if they build another cell tower.
(f) The town will lease the Downriggers site to Miley Cyrus for a nightclub.
(g) The fact that domestic violence and meth labs exists here, some kids use drugs, the Catholic Bishops dictate health care at our only hospital, and we have hundreds of islanders dependent on the food bank.
— Editor’s note: We find Mike Buettell’s “ The Quiz” to be an amusing read in its own right, but readers can also send responses to the quiz to firstname.lastname@example.org, and we’ll publish the results on SanJuanJournal.com, and in a future edition of The Journal of the San Juan Islands.